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9:10 p.m. @ 18 October 2004

363rd Entry
Talked with my internet pal .. KK. Yeap, he appeared some time ago in my blog.

He said something that brought me to my senses.

"you are a star yourself..you have your own stage .. it doesn't matter the audience is there or not..but it is whether you put up a good show .. that in the end .. you said that you did a good job in life. i must too .. look at life differnently from time to time"

"you have a good life, it is not superficial relationships that matter... but relationship like with Yang ... (and MEEEE.. ) .. hahahahhah .. tat matters more .."

Sometimes, I just have to be knocked hard on the head and be soothed gently afterwards from a good old pal of mine...

Each of us has something that the other may not possess. That's right. I have special stuff that's locked up in my heart that you guys wont have.

Tomorrow's the last day of working at that LKK office. I bought mini cakes for my colleagues. Somehow, I just dont feel like taking the camera along. Have a feeling they wont wanna take pics.

Everyone's special. So am I. *convincing myself that im unique*

Well, life's gotta go on. Yup. I will pick up from where I fell. I will continue to walk.. continue to run ... to my happiness.

2017 19th Oct 04
Last day at work. Been super relived. But that Dowager didnt want to let me off that easily. She used the last 2 hours to order me to do so many stuff!!!! Luckily, luckily... im able to finish them off in an hr or less. Phew. She's ridiculous.

I miss the girls... hmmx.. didnt get a pic of them. Joey said i can remember them in my heart, and that's enough.. no need for pics. -_-" Both of them told me to take care.. and dont play too much. ??? Me? Playing around? Haha... Perhaps its my jokes.

Okay.. next job. What's next?

There's so many furry creatures on my bed. 4 rabbits, ducky, and 2 sheeps. One rabbit is from Finland.. or was it Stockholm? Yeap, Yang got that for me. One blue rabbit beanie mini bolster... I think i got that for myself from Taka Sale. A rose-scented rabbit keychain from Jo~~~ And... a nick I given for this rabbit.. 'Pang pang' ... that's from Ed. He bought that to humour me, cos this rabbit holds a carrot and when you release it from a pull, the rabbit vibrates while pulling in the carrot. Cute right?

I do miss Ed. Yes. I admit that. I know Yang will understand why i type this... I cant forget some people in my life... I miss the way he smiles, he laughs.. the happy moments that he gave me.

I really wonder who's that lucky gal in his life... I wonder when will she appear to see the happy side of him. I know that he doesnt like to show much of his other side to others... Hmm.. But when he does, it means he's trusting the other party.

Yang yang.. where are you? 2 more days to go!!!

1316 20th Oct 04
Let's see, let's see... I read my book on Massage and Im gonna get baby lotion from the NTUC later. I need to look out for Polo Tees at Fox. Wonder if they sell them. Else, I would just have to look at HangTen, Bossini, Baleno, or whatever place.

Polo Tee, massage lotion. I should look for a new pair of sandals too.

1444
Things I wanna do with him:
Movie
Eatz19
Rice Table
Stroll by the Beach
Full Body Massage
Go to his School
Alcoholic Beverage
Print Digital Photos
Take Pictures

Do you think there's time for all these? Nah...

2007
Im so bothered. Very stressed. My father keeps asking me if I know how to go for the interview tomorrow on my own. Even asked me if I know which bus to take. I hate that. He's dying to know that I'll be given a job right after every interview. Just like today. I went for an interview and when I came home, all he wanted to know was the answer .. "Did you get selected?"

This is annoying.

How I wish I can just be a housewife and be a tai tai too.

FAT hope.

Why can't he just shut up?

I really don't know what kind of job to look for. Admin? I find it soooo boring. Why isnt there a job that needs no formal wear and yet is 5 days/week? A pay of 1.2k is enough. Is it that hard? Sigh. I don't know what I need.

I bought a bottle of moisturising lotion from Nivea. When I came home, I realised I have another bottle on the dressing table. -_-" OH well.

There's this something about Jo ... She always piss me off whenever Im serious in our conversation. Okay, not always, but most of the time she does annoy me. I do get angry at her and wondering why is she telling me things that... just doesnt sound right. Maybe she gets the drift, she talks to me in another tone that makes me feel cool-headed and discuss the situation all over again. She really needs to be strangled whenever she makes me mad. Haha. I can imagine her saying "Scary Ad" in her head. "So violent one"

I've started drawing and scribbling onto a book given by Manpower. That's the complimentary gift Xue and i got on our last day of attachment. Heh. It's small... but enough to let me spill my thoughts. And I love colour pencils. If only Im a designer... Design what??? No idea... I think i'll fill up the empty pages in no time... As I've coloured 3 pages today.

Yang will be back in his bunk tomorrow.

2050
As if the day aint any better... my bro went to deactivate my voicemail system without consulting me. Now, all Yang's pre recorded messages are deleted. I can't listen to them tonight. I haven't copied what he said to me... I should have done so few nights ago when I had the time... Too late for regrets.

I can't remember every single word he said... I can't.

I'm feeling so sour deep inside.

I really can't... Im trying very hard.

*pause*

"Wei.. honey~~~ Hehe... Wo zhen de hao ai ni oh... hmm, big dino xiang stomp stomp, stomp hui xin jia po zhao wo de baby dino.. hmm..hm... hai shi bian chen super meh~~~~ fei hui qu!! Hmm..hmm.. zhen de hao xiang ni...xiang ni xiang ni xiang si ni le!!! Hehe.. Hmm... ming tian ji de chi zao can... yao take care .. Wo ai ni. Goodnight."

Yeah, that was roughly what he said in one of those 5 VM he left. This was one VM I really love hearing it over and over again. Makes me laugh and whimper.

And there's another which he said "Bu yao xiang zhe me duo. Wo ai ni." - Dont think too much. I love you.

He was pressed for time, and needed to fall in at that very minute. Nonetheless, he still made time to leave me VM. That tone of urgency was there... and yet, the words "I love you" were perfect...

Yea yea, sounds naive and childish. But, that's what that keeps me going on. There's nothing wrong when you fall in love ... There's no right or wrong as to how you display your concerns. He tried to make them sound childish knowing that I would laugh upon hearing it. And, that's what he wants from me. I know it may make him sound silly and stupid in front of his bunkmates... and yet, he still did it. What else can I say? He's doing it all for me.

I wont hate my bro. Whats done is done. They can never be retrieved. But... what beats the real Yang talking to me? :) I just hope my bro would discuss in future with me.

2143
Leonard should be sleeping soon. Lights out getting earlier for them.

He called me just now. Good news, bad news. I asked him for the bad one, he said he's OOT. Dammit. Fracture in his knee. And he's staying in camp for the next 3 weeks without book out. Good? No field camp. ....

Jo told me she's able to take the day off tomorrow to go for the interview!! YEAH!!!! :D See, told ya, my day is full of BAD BAD BAD, GOOD news. It's in that sequence.

A story I wanna share... From Josh.

A university professor challenged his students with this question, "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything?," the professor asked.

"Yes, sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil."

The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?" "Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist ?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. "Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued. "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name --- Albert Einstein.

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