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8:42 p.m. @ 13 October 2004

361st Entry
I went out with my female colleagues for lunch. I love being with them, although they do make me annoyed at times. They love to tease me by putting all sorts of blame on me. "AH!? Where's my documents? Must be Adelin!!!" "How come there's no paper in the photocopy machine??" "How come you never answer the phone...?" Eh... I just took them in my stride. I just act blur. What to do... acting blur is my forte. Lying to superiors is another.

I feel so hypocrite man. I can imagine the other me puking. Im talking about the me in front of the lady boss. I can be so good to her while cursing and swearing deep down. I even made faces at her while her back was facing me. I showed them to my colleagues and they were giggling.

Seriously, I dont have to act. But i just cant help it. She's been pissing on me. All the more i shall piss her with more strength!!! HA.

Ugly side of me. Dont worry, Yang wont get to see it. Ha.

I wish he would see me that way. So that he can have a good laugh at his dearest. I hate female bosses to the core.

Most.

And Mr Lim came back with snacks bought from a 'bao' shop. That tasted so good. Eating with Joey and Elaine, and we were like surveying it sooooo long, and slicing them up and ate it. I just love this girly feeling that only girls would share. I doubt i can take a picture with them... although i yearn so much to.

Joey is tall and lanky. A taller version of Shihwen. Just as tanned, with long silky smooth hair, bright eyes... has a voice that sounds so sweet!!!! A set of white straight teeth is something that caught my eyes the first day i see her smile. Elaine is petite, but a plump version of Wen Lin. She has fair delicate skin, and her eyes sparkle. She has an analytical mind and has this air of knowledge. These girls make my day better... seriously. But, you cant expect me to be a low admin in that shabby office for years. A PSLE dropout can even work there. Nothing that requires my brain to work. I have the urge to go back studying.

I miss Yang. I miss stroking his big fat arse. When im annoyed I hit his ass. When im happy I teased his ass. I am so bad right? Haha..

I thought guys wont be stressed... i mean, they wont even wanna reveal it to their girlfriends. I thought Yang was always that happy go lucky.. who didnt have to stop and bother about anything that got in his way. I dont mean now he doesnt... He's always been like this. But, when too much stones appear in your path, you cant help but to stop and frown at them. When he realised that nothing can be done, he will jump and hop on those pebbles to get to the other side. I like it when he gets up on his feet real quick. Just like today. Whole day is packed with tedious training. He was feeling so low and out. Why??? Why the bloody army planned so many stuff for me today? I'm so tired already! But, 15 min later, he SMS me that he's feeling better cos of what i told him and he's as good as new. He changed his attire and off he went for his string of activities. He sounded great after dinner. :)

Im into my next book, Riley in the Morning. So far so good. The previous 'Calling Romeo' was fantastic. So many twists and Wil + Juliet got together in the end... Happy endings. I like that. But of course, i paid attention to what happened in between. There was lust, seduction, lies, and other stuff that you cant imagine. Good good. Im so thirsty for books. romance especially. I just like the way how the author describes the process of getting together, breaking up, and getting back. I predicted the endings, but all i want to know is whats in the middle. It's like trying out different flavours in the sandwich. Tuna, chicken, beef, egg, etc etc etc.. Okay, time to poof!

2035 14 oct 04
Cracked heel, bloody erupted skin.

Fingers slashed by paper, cardboard, calloused skin...

Results after a month staying in the company.

I dont like that.

I want to doll up nicely for a job i love. A job that has my passion in it. But.. what?

Jo and i tried to send our resumes today ... we got response but... I dont think its positive. That lady didnt get back to us again.

Feel so cheated. Am i destined to be so unlucky in my job hunting?

Yang's valuables will be kept by his sarge. Which means, no SMS at night, till he comes back from his field camp. How am i going to tolerate that? A day without contact???? AHHHHH.... I yearn to see his messages.... One week. I must tell myself i can make it... I will definitely make it. After tuesday, i shall stay at home and clear my shelves.

I rather stay at home and be a housewife. Learn cooking from my mom. Clean the house. Rest at home... getting online whenever i want to. But, all without getting paid. Troubling me.

Seems like I wont ever get a nice proper good job.

Unlucky me.

One reason why i dont wanna meet up with the gals on sat for LM's celebration is... I feel inferior compared to my classmates and my good girlfriends. Each of them hold a decent high paying job. Me? What am i doing? They have the money, the charms, everything. Me? Nothing. I cant even pay for my own expenses outside. I dont have the money. Thats why i dont wanna turn up. I cant even give LM a birthday present. Why should I turn up empty handed? And sitting around watching them eat while I swallow my saliva?

That's one reason.

I can just rot at home, with a book in my hands... and a cup of warm milo on the table.

1234 15 oct 04
Yeap, in office. :)

Funny thing happened in the morning. Yang was off for his field camp in the morning, 715am. However, i received a call at 730am. WEiRd... who would call me at such a time!?

It turns out to be Yang... haha, he said it's delayed due to some stuff and that he would be leaving soon after the call. I finally had the chance to tell him to drink more water out there... it's something i missed in the earlier SMS. I felt a pang of regret as i forgot to sms him that... But, he called unexpectedly and i got to say what i want!!! :D

Let me guess where's he... soaking up the sun in the forest?? Haha. Boars? Snakes? Rabbits??!?? Hahahahaha..

2203
I wonder what's Yang doing now? Has he turned in? Or he's doing guard duty around their camp? He's paired up with WeiRen. I kinda like that guy. As in, first impression. He's abit dumb. More of innocent and blur. Heh. Kinda cute too. Heard his voice when I was talking to Yang over the phone and he sounded deep.... soothing... just like Yang's.

For those who have read 'Riley in the Morning' by Sandra Brown... I wish Yang would be abit like Jon Riley. Abit. Makes me explode each time i gaze at him. Ha.

Supposed to meet Jo tomorrow to shop, but she has other stuff on. Anyway, Im her personal shopper. She tells me what she wants and i shop for her. I like that alot. Im not sure if im going down tomorrow for LM's celebration. Parents going down to JB tomorrow too. Something to do with my father's leg.

I feel like 'Wang Fei' in the 9pm show. Always bullied and suffered insults from her mom. "You are useless, good for nothing" Whatever Wang Fei does, nothing seems right to them. She felt she deserves to die. Luckily, her dad stopped her from the blade. At least, she got a dad who cared. ... Me??? I know.. Yang.. but... sigh.

Huiwen called me not long ago. I felt abit better i guess. She told me she will keep a lookout for jobs in her company. That's nice but .. sigh... I dont know. I told her my current job scope and she was 'AH? Wah... Why like that??' She could even sense my unhappiness and asked me to leave there as soon as i can. Why do some people actually want me to stay there and suffer?

Just cos of money. You are dying to get back the money that i owe you for my education. Even when Nik asked me to further my studies, perhaps taking up Business, i immediately told him no. I have to fork my own school fees, they wont lend a single cent to me at all. They expect me to earn everything myself, and at the same time, return the money i loaned.

Sounds bad? Hell yeah.

I wanna soak up my 'pillow' ... to press my face against his chest... to wipe my tears on him... to be wrapped warmly in his arms... and hearing him whisper into my ears "Dont worry, Im always by your side.. I love you". Then, i shall sleep soundly lying beside him... sleep peacefully throughout the night.

But, there's only Ducky and his friends on my bed.

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